Suppose you go to war.....

“Suppose you go to war, you cannot fight always; and when, after much loss on both sides, and no gain on either, you cease fighting, the identical old questions, as to terms of intercourse, are again upon you.” Abraham Lincoln

I found this while doing reading for a report in one of my classes. It means so much to me. How foreboding of Abraham Lincoln. The only good from our Civil War was the freeing of the slaves, but the old issues and hatreds were still there after the war. Those hatreds were there for a long time. I wonder if this is what it will be like in Iraq a century later. Does peace really not work? I have to believe in my heart that a common ground can be found and that people can choose peace.

Where Has Our Fight Gone?

I ask that question because I need to know. Where is it? We have been in a war that is so hated in the country for the last almost six years, and yet there's no fight. Mass injustices happen daily in America and around the world, and we do nothing. When did we stop standing up for what is kind and decent? When did we stop taking care of our own and only ourselves. I don't have much, but I would kindly share and give to others. I would gladly stand up for those that have no voice and say that we must protect them. I don't know what I can do to make change, but I have to do something. I can't sit by any longer and let this world happen to others like it doesn't matter. I have to stop people hurting and destroying our planet, I have to stop people from exploiting children, and I need to believe in my government and country again. I need to know the real reason my husband is going to Iraq. I don't know why he's going except for "it's his job"...well fuck that! There are so many things that we can do, and I am going to start doing more than I already do. I'm going to fight for those who cannot fight any longer.

On Tuesday a man who can make great change, and give hope back to the hopeless could be our next president. I can't wait for that to happen. There is nothing wrong with taking care of your own people. We can be the world's police again, when we take care of our people at home. That's how it's supposed to be.

Making Firm Decisions

They exist...I am telling you this because it's true. I love having people in my life, but what I don't love about these people is their lack of understanding about my life. People say that we're so similar, but I don't see it. If that were the case then I would have understanding. I have things going on right now that make me proud of who I am. I have things going on in my life that make me sad, but I accept it, and I have things that make me happy. But I cannot afford the time leeches of my life any longer. I thought talking about my busy life would indicate that I can't take on much more, but that's not the case. In fact, it seems to be the opposite. So now it's onto the direct approach.

So today I have made some firm decisions...I am going to step down as the spouses’ group president. Someone else needs to do the work. I am going to focus on school and Jeremy. I want to graduate Summa Cum Laude and I will. I want to spend as much time with Jeremy before he goes to Iraq, and that's it. That's all I want to do.

I like firm decisions...now I just need to make sure I follow through! LOL!!!

The Long Haul

This has been an interesting week for me. I started school again, my aunt's cancer has returned, and the two items that bother me the most...in no particular order...my mom is finally leaving Germany and my husband is going to Iraq. Iraq is a small country that exists in the news for me until now. It is part of my reality. I am scared. I have never been so scared in my life. I know I'm supposed to be strong for Jeremy, but I am afraid for him. I have had friends deploy there many times over the last five years and I was scared for them as well. I just hope beyond the realm of hope that he will be safe. I am though, so proud of him. As I pour out my heart through these words so old and new friends can read them, I hope for understanding. I hope that these next few months with Jeremy will be the best ever, and I hope that when he returns we will have even better.

The other item on my list of interesting is knowing that my parents are finally leaving Germany. A door will close on my childhood and teenage years and I will never have the home I grew up in again. It's strange to me to know that I will only live in Germany again if we get stationed there. I will miss it. I have spent over 20 years in Germany and it will be sad to never have it back again the way I have it now. But it is good to know that Germany shaped me into the person I am now. I think when I go back in December, I will finally take Jeremy to Zweibrucken. He'll love it!

So, I have a long haul ahead of me. I will keep my chin up, and hope for the best and expect just that. I will tie my yellow ribbons and I will say my goodbyes. I will move forward and enjoy the new in my life.

Old Times and Old Places

I wrote this so long ago, but I have been thinking about it again. I keep finding more and more people from my high school days and I love it. But it's bittersweet because I miss those places so much and they are truly gone forever. I don't understand why it bothers me so much. I don't particularly miss high school. I liked, but I always wanted more. I wanted my 20's. I wanted to be on my own and do whatever I wanted. I don't get it some days. I guess your memories are sweeter than the actual moment.

Please read and understand us military kids. Thank You!



I have been thinking a lot about where I grew up. I think talking to Kari yesterday has something to do with it, but also the other blasts from the past that I've had recently. It's weird to know that you grew up in Germany. That your home is a town with a closed Army Post and Air Force Base. What's even more weird and sad is to know that you will never have it back again the way it used to be. Those days are long gone and over. Your high school is now a designer outlet mall that the Germans love. I don't know why I am thinking so much about this time. I get so lonely for those days when I was growing up in Germany. I miss our old commissary on Kreuzberg Kaserne and I can't remember if the Air Base had one. I remember being able to walk all over that post and I remember how friendly it was.

I wonder if anyone else knows what has gone on there? Do they know the memories that the housing area holds for people like myself? Do they know that the town of Zweibrucken is one the greatest places in Germany? I think it's strange how I couldn't go and see my home when I was just living in Germany. I guess I prefer the memories.

I think I will go home when I go back to Germany this winter. I will go home to show Jeremy where I learned how to ride my bike and trick or treated for years. I will show him the place where I had my first cigarette and where I had my first kiss. I will show him where I went to prom and where my schools were. I think he needs to see these places that seemingly exist in memory only.

I love the blasts from the past. They awaken thoughts in you that seemed forgotten. I'm so happy that my home is not forgotten as most places are for military kids.

Thoughts, School and Stuff

So today, I did something that I have wanted to do since my knee surgery and that is swim 1/2 a mile in the base pool. It felt great. I'm very hungry, but feel exhilarated at the same time. It's so cool how swimming makes you feel. I don't have a care in the world when I'm in the pool and don't feel any pain. I love it!

Also, school starts tomorrow and I feel as if I'm going to ignore my wonderful friends. I don't want to, but I have to get this done. I have assignments and project due every week so I will be very busy. I will of course manage my time, but still I need to focus of what's important. If my friends truly love me, then they will understand. When we are together our time will be more precious.

Our move has been interesting and I realized something yesterday. I don't know how my mom did this as an Army wife. How did she make a move look so easy and how did she never let my brother and myself know that she was stressed, and tired? I learned so much these last two weeks and I am so happy that I did. I like learning good life lessons.
Thank you all my friends and family for your love, patience and support. You are all amazing!

Two things that I do when I see, think of, or talk to Jeremy. Today he has been the most exceptional man. I knew when I met him 4 years ago that I had found something good, and today is one of those days that makes you know that you have something great.

We are in the middle of a PCS move from one home to another in housing. We, like crazy people, decided to do a partial "do it yourself" move (DITY) and have movers come in next week to do the big stuff. Well, it's been insanity in this house. The cat is freaking out and of course jumping into every box, Jeremy is working because he has too, and I'm doing the best I can, but feeling that it's not enough. I come home today from PT and see that he's done so much that I'm overwhelmed with relief.

I think it's really great when a couple can be so in tune with each other that no words need to be spoken. It doesn't need to happen all the time because then it wouldn't be special, but when it does happen.......

I know that moving your stuff is not the most romantic thing ever, but I don't care. In my opinion; it doesn't have to be the grand gestures that make your day. It's the small and sometimes practical things that make your day. Those small, practical things relieve stress and allow for the grand, romantic gesture to be exactly what it's intended to be. So as I wrote at the very beginning...a sweet, sly smile and a long, loving look...now that's great romance!