A long first week of learning life's lessons...again

I can't believe he left a week ago...time seemed to go by at a pace I'm unsure of. It wasn't exactly fast nor slow. At some moments, I could hardly catch my breath, but at other moments, I could hardly move. Time hung around me like it had nothing better to do.

It's amazing how when you have this time...that follows you...you learn a lot. I have learned again who I can rely on, and who I can't. Those that I can rely on come as no surprise, but those that I can't, I find this revelation to be shocking.

As I sit back and re-evaluate my relationships, I am forced to make hard decisions. I don't like this. This is what time allows. Time lets you see things that you don't always want to see. Sometimes the ignorance is okay and truly blissful. But sometimes, a person has to face realities and know that things in life must change.

So, as I pack together boxes for Jeremy, clean my house, do my schoolwork, I get the luxery that most don't have...I get the time to learn life's lessons again.

Happy in Germany

I feel as if I can breath here. It's weird. I love this country. It holds wonderful childhood, teenage, and somewhat grown up memories. I don't consider myself a real adult yet, so that's why I used the phrase, somewhat grown up. I love coming back to Ramstein and seeing the changes. Until this trip, I have avoided going home to Zwei. I have even said that this area is my home now because I can't believe that Zwei no longer exists. But, it's time to face my childhood home. It's time to go back and see what I have in my memories. I'm scared to see Kreuzberg Kaserne though...it's going to be different from what I know and that's why I haven't gone back.

I think it's important to show someone that you love where you came from. It explains who you are as a person. I have come back to the base where I fell in love with Jeremy and now I will take him to the place where I fell in love with Germany. This is so exciting and scary and fun all at the same time. I love this country so much. I love being here!

Suppose you go to war.....

“Suppose you go to war, you cannot fight always; and when, after much loss on both sides, and no gain on either, you cease fighting, the identical old questions, as to terms of intercourse, are again upon you.” Abraham Lincoln

I found this while doing reading for a report in one of my classes. It means so much to me. How foreboding of Abraham Lincoln. The only good from our Civil War was the freeing of the slaves, but the old issues and hatreds were still there after the war. Those hatreds were there for a long time. I wonder if this is what it will be like in Iraq a century later. Does peace really not work? I have to believe in my heart that a common ground can be found and that people can choose peace.

Where Has Our Fight Gone?

I ask that question because I need to know. Where is it? We have been in a war that is so hated in the country for the last almost six years, and yet there's no fight. Mass injustices happen daily in America and around the world, and we do nothing. When did we stop standing up for what is kind and decent? When did we stop taking care of our own and only ourselves. I don't have much, but I would kindly share and give to others. I would gladly stand up for those that have no voice and say that we must protect them. I don't know what I can do to make change, but I have to do something. I can't sit by any longer and let this world happen to others like it doesn't matter. I have to stop people hurting and destroying our planet, I have to stop people from exploiting children, and I need to believe in my government and country again. I need to know the real reason my husband is going to Iraq. I don't know why he's going except for "it's his job"...well fuck that! There are so many things that we can do, and I am going to start doing more than I already do. I'm going to fight for those who cannot fight any longer.

On Tuesday a man who can make great change, and give hope back to the hopeless could be our next president. I can't wait for that to happen. There is nothing wrong with taking care of your own people. We can be the world's police again, when we take care of our people at home. That's how it's supposed to be.

Making Firm Decisions

They exist...I am telling you this because it's true. I love having people in my life, but what I don't love about these people is their lack of understanding about my life. People say that we're so similar, but I don't see it. If that were the case then I would have understanding. I have things going on right now that make me proud of who I am. I have things going on in my life that make me sad, but I accept it, and I have things that make me happy. But I cannot afford the time leeches of my life any longer. I thought talking about my busy life would indicate that I can't take on much more, but that's not the case. In fact, it seems to be the opposite. So now it's onto the direct approach.

So today I have made some firm decisions...I am going to step down as the spouses’ group president. Someone else needs to do the work. I am going to focus on school and Jeremy. I want to graduate Summa Cum Laude and I will. I want to spend as much time with Jeremy before he goes to Iraq, and that's it. That's all I want to do.

I like firm decisions...now I just need to make sure I follow through! LOL!!!