"...and no one even knew we were there."

“We spent our entire childhoods in the service of our country, and no one even knew we were there.” Pat Conroy.

I think toddler-hood is a difficult time.  I think it’s difficult for both parent and child for many reasons.  The child cannot fully communicate his/her needs and parents aren't well versed in screams, grunts, tears, etc.  I feel that almost anyone can agree that toddler-hood is just a fairly unpleasant, but learning time.  My child taught me something recently that I hadn't, as a military wife, fully prepped for. 

Ian really missed his dad while he was deployed.  Because of Jeremy’s absence, Ian cannot leave his father’s side; his separation anxiety is incredibly intense.  If Jeremy walks out of the room, Ian is in tears, screaming, and is almost inconsolable.  Only Jeremy can make Ian feel better, greet him in the morning, or feed him.  Jeremy is truly the greatest person in the world at this moment.  I can’t even write that I’m jealous because I’m not.  I am concerned though.

Our littlest warriors go through the hardest time when their parent is away.  As the wife/mom, I have activities, volunteering, a job, etc to occupy my time.  Yes there are moments throughout my day that I wish that Jeremy could be home for dinner, but I move on very quickly.  Why?  Well, I have the ability to rationalize our choice to be a military family.  I made a choice just like Jeremy; however, my son did not. 

The child of the service member, affectionately known as Military Brat, is one of the most interesting groups of children.  They group up all over and experience a world that most people only read about.  I grew up a military brat, married military, and knew that my child would grow up just like me.  But wait, he isn’t growing up just like me.  I grew up in a military world that was post Vietnam and though my father fought in Vietnam, he didn't in my lifetime.  My father was never gone for long deployments because they didn’t exist then.  Yes we had troops in certain locations, but nothing like what our military experiences now. 

My Ian…my sweet, sweet Ian.  I see the way you cling to your dad when you see him.  My little warrior is having nightmares, crying out for his father, has been on edge and out of sorts. 

I feel so powerless.  I’m his mother and I want to take away the pain and apprehension my son feels right now…but I can’t.  He will have to go through this and learn that just because daddy went to the store it doesn’t mean he’s gone forever.   I promise you little one, my sweet Ian, that your Daddy will be home and he loves you more than these words can convey.