“Dear Ian,
I’m sorry I can’t be there for your birthday. I wish I could be there with you and your mother. You’ll have no idea how much it hurts not seeing you everyday , not being able to see you grow these past few months. The only good thing about this is you won’t remember this time apart or understand what’s going on. When you’re older and read this, know that I think of you and your mother every day. You two are the world to me and even though I may have to go away sometimes, know that I love you and cannot wait to get back to you.
Love, Daddy”
This letter came a few days after Ian’s first birthday. I had to read it alone because I cried. I read it to Ian twice. Every time you ask him about Daddy, he gets excited, smiles, and looks at a computer. I’m sad that he thinks that’s where or what Daddy is, but I’m grateful that he remembers.
Our time is coming to an end; well our current chapter of insanity is coming to an end, and we will begin a new chapter in our lives. Ian and I are finally moving into our home, Jeremy will be home soonish, and I will start looking for a job. I will continue volunteering and being the best mother that I can be. I will try not to worry so much about Ian or buck the system all the time. I will make and break promises to myself every single day. But the only promise that I care about is to be good to my family and provide stability in an unstable world.
I have hope and faith again. I feel wonderful and our stress seems to be going away. Yes, this chapter of “Tornado Victim” is almost at an end. I know new stresses will come my way. I will feel full of despair at times, and I will have to remind myself that this will all go away and be a distant memory.
Thank you Jeremy for your wonderful letter to our son. This time will never even register in his life and that’s okay. We remember and we love him and are better for everything that has happened.
No comments:
Post a Comment