There are days when I wonder how many tears can one human being produce? I have seriously solved the water issues for the entire state of North Carolina with my freaking tears! I’m not joking; I cry that much. I would like to say that it’s pitiful, but it’s not. I am so sensitive right now and any act of kindness, love, whatever makes me cry.
Today as I was leaving my new gym I saw a man in a motorized wheelchair coming in. I said hello and chatted with him. I saw his tattoo and realized that it was an insignia of some kind. He was in the Army. He had lost both of his legs from the knee down and one arm from the elbow down. I didn’t get his name, but I did find out that his injuries and loss came from and IED in Afghanistan. Afghanistan, that’s where my Jeremy is. I tried not to look worried, but he could tell I was.
“Is your husband over there?” He asked.
“Yes, he’s there.” I replied.
“Don’t worry, I’m sure he’s safe,” he responded.
I tried not to cry. I held back tears, and I’m holding them back now. Safe, what an odd word to say about a person who is at war. I know what Jeremy does. He’s not infantry, he’s not humping a ruck, and out there in anymore of that shithole country, but I think the tears were for the others that are there. The tears were for my friends, my military family that is out there every day, living in that shithole country. The tears were for my husband who is not home and is there and told me that it’s “no joke” there and that some of the things he has seen make him beyond sick.
So, I cry…a lot…all the time. I cried to Jeremy via Skype and told him that I am being pushed to a point that I didn’t know existed. I cried after I got off the phone with my friend Julie who let complain about my moody mother who doesn’t seem interested in providing me the help that I need, I cry when I hold Ian close and he wants to know where his Dada is, and I cry when I am all alone because it seems to be the only release I have some days.
I need to stop these tears. They need to just go away or they need to come around when tears are really needed. Tears of joy are just fine, but crying because my eyeballs have sprung a leak…well that’s weird. If I didn’t feel so lonely that would probably help. If I could really talk to Jeremy, like we do when he’s home, that would help too. If I keep myself distracted that will help out too. Thank goodness I have a gym membership. Mostly, I just need to remember that even though he’s gone, he’s not gone forever and will eventually be home with me. Until he’s home, I’ll just have to carry a lot of tissues.
No comments:
Post a Comment