I love being a military wife. I mean absolutely LOVE it. It's the coolest thing that I have ever done. I love being married to my Airman, and I love raising a military child. The many facets of military life are exciting to me, and this world which a few Americans reside in, fascinates me. There is one thing that I don't particularly care for...the judgement.
The Judgement...The Military Spouse Judgment. It happens, trust me. It's insane too. Spouses judge themselves, other spouses, are judged by military members, by civilians, by the entire population of the world. Why? Oh, because the entire population of the world is made up of people and it seems to be in the nature of people to judge. I do; however, feel that the judgment in military spouse world seems to be harsh.
I don't deploy.
I don't go TDY.
I don't jump out of planes. For that matter, I don't do anything combative.
I don't do anything military related except...
I maintain our home.
I do move a lot.
I am disappointed frequently because of the rotten "deployment/TDY luck" that happens the moment my husband walks out the door.
I raise a child alone.
I worry constantly.
I live in a state of stress that isn't normal to 99% of Americans.
I am constant love and support.
I would have to believe that being all of those things is enough in my world. Sadly it isn't. Not only am I resourceful, a source of information, open up my home to strangers, support my husband, but since my husband has only deployed twice...my opinion on deployments doesn't count.
That's right...only twice. That more than some, not as many as the soldiers at Fort Bragg, and since he's Air Force, we are really judged. That's the problem. Why does it matter how much he's deployed or where he's deployed too? Why does it matter what his job is? The war our service members deploy too is so different. The war they face when they come home is just as different. Why, oh why, oh why does this judgement exist? Isn't it enough that he's gone, he's been in Afghanistan, and my family was barely hanging on? Why is my experience with the military dismissed?
I can't even begin to compile the list of organizations that have been dismissive to me. I'm not sure if I want to start that list. People would be shocked at the organizations that have dismissed me for being "some military spouse". Yet here I am, writing about how this continues to happen. For me it feels like for every awesome military spouse organization that exists, there's the one that that's super loud and puts down the spouse. For every First Sergeant that thinks that the spouse is awesome, there's one that's non-responsive and can't stand us. It's those "ones" that really knock the wind out of our sails.
You want to know something really crazy? Military spouses judge each other as well. I have been on the phone many times and passed judgments against other spouses, service members, people. I can't think of how many times I've stared at a person that asks about joining the military, but only if they don't deploy. I've actually responded, "then you probably shouldn't join." I know that might not be the best response, but the military isn't just for any old person in my mind. Those that decide to step up and protect and defend our Constitution are an exceptional bunch. I personally don't want someone joining who is looking for an easy way out in life. Well look at that...judgement.
Talking about this seems to be the best medicine. Judgment disappears through communication and education. As an educator, I long for education to be the inspiration to change. I must have faith that I will change my ways so I won't judge others. Isn't this world hard enough? Don't military families go through enough without us tearing each other apart? The answer to that question is simple, it's yes.
Try not to judge me and I'll try not to judge you. Life is tough, deployments suck, and being away from your spouse isn't fun.
I don't do anything military related except...
I maintain our home.
I do move a lot.
I am disappointed frequently because of the rotten "deployment/TDY luck" that happens the moment my husband walks out the door.
I raise a child alone.
I worry constantly.
I live in a state of stress that isn't normal to 99% of Americans.
I am constant love and support.
I would have to believe that being all of those things is enough in my world. Sadly it isn't. Not only am I resourceful, a source of information, open up my home to strangers, support my husband, but since my husband has only deployed twice...my opinion on deployments doesn't count.
That's right...only twice. That more than some, not as many as the soldiers at Fort Bragg, and since he's Air Force, we are really judged. That's the problem. Why does it matter how much he's deployed or where he's deployed too? Why does it matter what his job is? The war our service members deploy too is so different. The war they face when they come home is just as different. Why, oh why, oh why does this judgement exist? Isn't it enough that he's gone, he's been in Afghanistan, and my family was barely hanging on? Why is my experience with the military dismissed?
I can't even begin to compile the list of organizations that have been dismissive to me. I'm not sure if I want to start that list. People would be shocked at the organizations that have dismissed me for being "some military spouse". Yet here I am, writing about how this continues to happen. For me it feels like for every awesome military spouse organization that exists, there's the one that that's super loud and puts down the spouse. For every First Sergeant that thinks that the spouse is awesome, there's one that's non-responsive and can't stand us. It's those "ones" that really knock the wind out of our sails.
You want to know something really crazy? Military spouses judge each other as well. I have been on the phone many times and passed judgments against other spouses, service members, people. I can't think of how many times I've stared at a person that asks about joining the military, but only if they don't deploy. I've actually responded, "then you probably shouldn't join." I know that might not be the best response, but the military isn't just for any old person in my mind. Those that decide to step up and protect and defend our Constitution are an exceptional bunch. I personally don't want someone joining who is looking for an easy way out in life. Well look at that...judgement.
Talking about this seems to be the best medicine. Judgment disappears through communication and education. As an educator, I long for education to be the inspiration to change. I must have faith that I will change my ways so I won't judge others. Isn't this world hard enough? Don't military families go through enough without us tearing each other apart? The answer to that question is simple, it's yes.
Try not to judge me and I'll try not to judge you. Life is tough, deployments suck, and being away from your spouse isn't fun.
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