It Became One of Those Days

My day started so great. I rediscovered this blog, I played with my child, and I hugged my husband. But as the day progressed I let reality creep into my mind. We have a cute house that we are renting here in Fayetteville the problem is that the previous tenents had two very large dogs that had fleas. We caught this before we moved it and thought it was fixed. We were wrong. My cat has fleas and is becoming very sick from them (she goes to the vet tomorrow), they have bitten my son and me, and both of us are having reactions to the bites. My baby is now congested again, and seems unhappy. I'm hoping it's just getting used to the allergens of the new house, but I could be wrong. Thankfully he goes in next week for his well baby check up. We are doing everything we can and now the property manager is sending out a professional bug man. So on top of having just moved in, we have a horrid pest infestation and I'm so sad. Tonight as Ian was crying, my cat was laying on the floor meowing in pain, I started to cry. I felt like a bad mom. I've done something wrong by wanting this house. Jeremy didn't want this place at first and I convinced him it was a good house and neighborhood for us. All I can think about is if I made a mistake. It's too late now because we signed a lease, but if this problem isn't taken care of in the next few days then my only option is to go to Jeremy's command and the housing office. I hope that we can get this fixed.

I know I'm not a bad mom, but today I really felt badly about myself and my decision. Tomorrow, I will have a different outlook. I can't wait for tomorrow.

Starting Over...Again

I have tried this before. I have failed at this before. Well, I don't know if I would call it failing as much as I haven't kept up with something that I like. That needs to change. Since I started this a couple of years ago a lot has changed. My husband deployed, came home, I got pregnant, I had the most awesome baby EVER, and we moved to an Army post named Ft. Bragg. It's home to the 18th Airborne Corp and the 82nd Airborne. We have Army Rangers, Green Berets aka Special Forces, and Delta here. What's interesting is that you can find out all of this online. Ha ha ha!!! I feel like a stranger in a strange land. To steal from an old Army slogan, I'm an Air Force of One. There are no AF Family Readiness Group Coordinators. They shy away from it because it's Army. The problem with that mentality is that it's isolating. I don't like being isolated from family support. So, here's what you will get when you read this blog: You will read about my adventures of being an AF wife on the most patriotic Army post EVER, a new mom, a happy mom, a FRG Coordinator, a teacher, and a woman. I'm just trying to get by in a world that sends my husband away to war zones and then returns him to me a different man. I'm just trying to get by in a world that I don't fully understand because my almost 4 month old can't tell me how he feels. I'm an Air Force wife and I am very proud to be one!

A long first week of learning life's lessons...again

I can't believe he left a week ago...time seemed to go by at a pace I'm unsure of. It wasn't exactly fast nor slow. At some moments, I could hardly catch my breath, but at other moments, I could hardly move. Time hung around me like it had nothing better to do.

It's amazing how when you have this time...that follows you...you learn a lot. I have learned again who I can rely on, and who I can't. Those that I can rely on come as no surprise, but those that I can't, I find this revelation to be shocking.

As I sit back and re-evaluate my relationships, I am forced to make hard decisions. I don't like this. This is what time allows. Time lets you see things that you don't always want to see. Sometimes the ignorance is okay and truly blissful. But sometimes, a person has to face realities and know that things in life must change.

So, as I pack together boxes for Jeremy, clean my house, do my schoolwork, I get the luxery that most don't have...I get the time to learn life's lessons again.

Happy in Germany

I feel as if I can breath here. It's weird. I love this country. It holds wonderful childhood, teenage, and somewhat grown up memories. I don't consider myself a real adult yet, so that's why I used the phrase, somewhat grown up. I love coming back to Ramstein and seeing the changes. Until this trip, I have avoided going home to Zwei. I have even said that this area is my home now because I can't believe that Zwei no longer exists. But, it's time to face my childhood home. It's time to go back and see what I have in my memories. I'm scared to see Kreuzberg Kaserne though...it's going to be different from what I know and that's why I haven't gone back.

I think it's important to show someone that you love where you came from. It explains who you are as a person. I have come back to the base where I fell in love with Jeremy and now I will take him to the place where I fell in love with Germany. This is so exciting and scary and fun all at the same time. I love this country so much. I love being here!

Suppose you go to war.....

“Suppose you go to war, you cannot fight always; and when, after much loss on both sides, and no gain on either, you cease fighting, the identical old questions, as to terms of intercourse, are again upon you.” Abraham Lincoln

I found this while doing reading for a report in one of my classes. It means so much to me. How foreboding of Abraham Lincoln. The only good from our Civil War was the freeing of the slaves, but the old issues and hatreds were still there after the war. Those hatreds were there for a long time. I wonder if this is what it will be like in Iraq a century later. Does peace really not work? I have to believe in my heart that a common ground can be found and that people can choose peace.