I Feel

I feel as if something really big is about to happen and I’m not sure what.  It’s such a strong feeling that I go to be each night wondering what it could be and if all will be revealed the next day.  So each morning I wake up with renewed anticipation…waiting for the moment that all will be known to me. 

I think that I am in the middle of it all.  Upon reflection of all that is happening in my life, I don’t know if I’m on the verge of doing something good.  I think I’m in the middle of doing something good.  I think the good is happening every day which would why I grin most of my day.  Seriously, I sit here and grin all day.  I see information flying through space, getting out to families, making people aware, and all I can say is, “impressive.” 

I know that this will be a short entry today and that’s okay.  This is to be a note to serve as a reminder for me and anyone else that reads this, that each day is a blessing.  Good things are really happening.  Instead of wondering what it is; be a part of the good.  

This Got Me Thinking

Today, I just read an article from Woman’s Day magazine titled “10 Things Never to Say to a Military Family”.  I couldn’t help but to snicker, shake my head, and get a little frustrated having heard some of those comments.  You can click on the link above to read the article and responses, but I wanted to offer up my responses.

My spouse is gone a lot for business, so I know how you feel being a single parent.

I find this insulting and I mean 100% insulting and not as a military spouse, but as a kid that was raised by a single parents.  My parents divorced and when I would stay with my dad in the summers, he was a single parent.  My mom was a full time single parent.  I have great friends that are full time single parents.  I keep on using the phrase full time because; I’m a part time single parent.  Sometimes my single parenthood is expected and other times it isn’t.  I have the benefit of knowing my partner; my spouse will be home to help me.  Full time single parents don’t have that benefit in my opinion. 

Now, onto the comparison of a civilian spouse going out of town for business; while I am empathetic, your husband or wife going out of town for business can nowhere compare to me packing up my husband and sending him to a warzone.  The only way I could see this possibly being a somewhat viable comparison is if the civilian spouse works in a neighborhood where gunfire and crime is worse than being in Syria right now.  I am compassionate to the situation, but I’m not going to insult anyone by trying to compare what I’m going through to what you (the reader) are going through.  I can’t.  I’m not living your life.  Again…I will show you compassion because that’s what we need. 

I could never do what you’re doing.

My cocky response to this is, “Of course you couldn’t! I’m Wonder Woman and you aren’t!”   But that’s not the response to give at all.  A lot of people couldn’t do this.  There are days that I wonder if I can do this.  I love being a military wife, but there are days when I just wish war didn’t exist and deployments were a thing of the past.  Sadly, that isn’t the case.  Please trust me when I tell you all this; there are days that I’m not sure if I could do what I’m doing.  I just get up and face the day with my son beside me and hope and pray for the best. 

How can your spouse choose to miss out on the kids’ lives?

I know my husband chose to join the military, but it’s not like he’s chosen to have our country at war for a decade.  I can’t imagine Jeremy waltzing his cute self into the Pentagon, sitting down with the Joint Chiefs and saying, “hey guys, let’s stay at war for over a decade…yeah!!!!!!”  First, he would probably be in trouble, and second who would want that?  My husband has been heartbroken more times this year than I know of.  Ian changes that much and he misses that more than I can express.  But we do what we can.  My family does the best that we can to make it through those times that Jeremy is gone.  Please, please, please, never say something like this to me because I will honestly start to cry. 

Your spouse will be home before you know it.

I think I’ve been dumb enough to say something similar.  Sorry!  I know Jeremy will be home.  Please trust me when I say I know the exact time and date.  And yes, he’ll be home, but I will be so lonely until that moment he is in my arms again, and for a brief moment…he’s mine.  Jeremy won’t belong to anyone at that moment, not the AF, not the American people, not the country.  He’ll be all mine!  Then we’ll come back into reality and go one with our lives. 

What will you do to keep busy while your husband’s gone?

I actually use the time that Jeremy is away to plot my world domination. I have for years, thought that I should have an air fortress and an underwater lair.  I am a fair minded and passionate person and being Queen of the World would result in good times for all! 

Are you serious?  What do you think I’m going to do???  I’m going to pick up the slack of him being gone!  I’m going to keep on doing my normal day-to-day living.  I’m going to make sure my son is okay.  I’m going to lean on others for support.  I’m going to be me. 

At least he’s not in Iraq or Afghanistan!

I am thankful when Jeremy isn’t in a warzone, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not worried.  Recently he went to Airborne School.  I was worried the entire time.  People get injured in training like that.  I don’t want my Jeremy to be hurt at all.  Just don’t say things like this.  Families are meant to be together so no matter where the service member is; know that it’s hard on the family at home. 

When is he getting out?

The answer to this one is simple:  NEVER!!!!  Insert maniacal laugh right here!  Now that the DoD has their hooks into him, Jeremy is their pawn forever!!!!!  Jeremy will get out when he is eligible to retire.  So that answers our question, but for the rest of the military…who knows what their plans are.  Ask about our work structure.  The military is an interesting culture and working world. 

Why are you moving? You just got here.

Well, we do move a lot, and some career fields and branches move more than others.  The Navy seems to move a lot in my opinion.  The AF has people that can only go to certain locations for their entire career in the military.  It’s different for every career choice and branch, but on average we move.  I don’t like it sometimes, but this is our life.  I feel for me that accepting that fact is just easier than not.  I’ve been to cool locations and made some amazing friends.  Why don’t you ask about where I’ve been?  Or ask about my craziest move?  Ask if you can have some of my stuff since I always purge my house before every move. 

Do you think he’ll be home for Christmas/your son’s graduation/the family reunion?

Jeremy will miss Christmas; he will miss birthdays, and anniversaries.  This past Valentine’s Day was our first together in our seven years.  He’s either been working, TDY, or deployed.  He has no choice when he can be home.  Please extend an invitation, but know you will see more of me and my son than my entire family. 

Aren’t you afraid he’ll get hurt or develop post-traumatic stress syndrome?

I think that people should just stay away from this question or questions.  I personally cannot think about this.  I can’t even allow it to become part of my reality until this moment actually is.  If anything ever happens, I know exactly what to do for my family.  I’m so afraid that something will happen to Jeremy that I have developed a phrase for when he deploys, “Heroes aren’t welcome in our home, only cowards that hide under a desk.” 

All and all, I feel that those responses given in the article and those interviewed are just how I feel.  Again I will add this…we are comparing two worlds here that don’t need to be compared.  I have friends that grew up military and have spouses that travel for their jobs constantly.  They are just as lonely as I am.  I don’t know what they are going through, but I do know that I can empathize.  I can also support that friend and that friend can support me.   I think life is a lot of fun when surrounded by a team of people that are meaningful and full of love.  

"...and no one even knew we were there."

“We spent our entire childhoods in the service of our country, and no one even knew we were there.” Pat Conroy.

I think toddler-hood is a difficult time.  I think it’s difficult for both parent and child for many reasons.  The child cannot fully communicate his/her needs and parents aren't well versed in screams, grunts, tears, etc.  I feel that almost anyone can agree that toddler-hood is just a fairly unpleasant, but learning time.  My child taught me something recently that I hadn't, as a military wife, fully prepped for. 

Ian really missed his dad while he was deployed.  Because of Jeremy’s absence, Ian cannot leave his father’s side; his separation anxiety is incredibly intense.  If Jeremy walks out of the room, Ian is in tears, screaming, and is almost inconsolable.  Only Jeremy can make Ian feel better, greet him in the morning, or feed him.  Jeremy is truly the greatest person in the world at this moment.  I can’t even write that I’m jealous because I’m not.  I am concerned though.

Our littlest warriors go through the hardest time when their parent is away.  As the wife/mom, I have activities, volunteering, a job, etc to occupy my time.  Yes there are moments throughout my day that I wish that Jeremy could be home for dinner, but I move on very quickly.  Why?  Well, I have the ability to rationalize our choice to be a military family.  I made a choice just like Jeremy; however, my son did not. 

The child of the service member, affectionately known as Military Brat, is one of the most interesting groups of children.  They group up all over and experience a world that most people only read about.  I grew up a military brat, married military, and knew that my child would grow up just like me.  But wait, he isn’t growing up just like me.  I grew up in a military world that was post Vietnam and though my father fought in Vietnam, he didn't in my lifetime.  My father was never gone for long deployments because they didn’t exist then.  Yes we had troops in certain locations, but nothing like what our military experiences now. 

My Ian…my sweet, sweet Ian.  I see the way you cling to your dad when you see him.  My little warrior is having nightmares, crying out for his father, has been on edge and out of sorts. 

I feel so powerless.  I’m his mother and I want to take away the pain and apprehension my son feels right now…but I can’t.  He will have to go through this and learn that just because daddy went to the store it doesn’t mean he’s gone forever.   I promise you little one, my sweet Ian, that your Daddy will be home and he loves you more than these words can convey. 

Aim High By Being Army Strong

I live in Fayetteville, North Carolina.  If any of my readers know anything about military life, they will know that Fayetteville is home to Fort Bragg.  And Fort Bragg seems to be home to it all.  

Fort Bragg, NC is home to the 82nd Airborne Division.  The Division has a long and glorious military history that can be googled...no OPSEC violations here!  The Division is part of a bigger picture known as The XVIII or 18th Airborne Corp who are called the "Sky Dragons."  We, who are lucky enough to be a part of this rich military history, are honored, humbled, and fearsome.  

Every day I drive onto Fort Bragg and I'm like a kid in a candy shop.  I find it to be so exciting.  There is an energy field that surrounds post.  Not a real one because I don't think they have been invented, but a figurative one.  Fort Bragg is full of energy.  The soldiers here are young and old, they are new, middle of their career, or close to retiring, they are sweet and kind, they are Army Strong.  There are times when I feel that Fort Bragg is truly the center of the military universe.  

Since my arrival in Nov 2010 to Fort Bragg, I have experienced military life that I knew existed, but it never felt real.  I was a stranger in what I thought was a familiar land.  Turned out I was a stranger in a strange land.  As Jeremy checked into his squadron, we both hit the ground running with a tiny baby in tow.  Jeremy was getting brought up to speed, and I became the Key Spouse.  The Operations Tempo on Fort Bragg is out of control.  It's high...constant...serious.  These people don't mess around with our nation's defense.  You all should be glad.  

Overwhelming doesn’t accurately describe my days, my world was turned upside down and I was getting used to being a mom.  My head was spinning round and round and there were days that I could barely keep up.  A decision had to be made; moreover, a choice had to be made.  The combining of both worlds, Army and Air Force was the only way I was going to survive those first few months.   

Within a few months, Pope AFB closed its doors and became Pope AAF.  Left behind were 3,000-5,000 Air Force personnel and their families.  I felt even more lost than before.  At least when I had an AFB to retreat to when I felt confused by the Army world, life would come together for me.  Now, Fort Bragg is a joint base.  I don't mean joint like the rest of them...I mean JOINT!   Fort Bragg was on the verge of doing something really different.  The AF here is now a tenant unit and both branches truly have to depend on each other for all forms of family support.

It was in these months, submerging myself into the Army FRG world, and becoming an Army/AF wife that I created my personal mission statement. Aim High by being Army Strong. 

In the year since we have truly joint forces, the families at Fort Bragg have learned something. We have learned that there isn’t much difference between ourselves, just a different uniform.  Our branches deploy, both branches miss their deployed service member, and both branches experience that loss that when their airman or soldier is gone.

Change is scary even when wanted.  Fort Bragg and Pope have been almost childlike in their approach to this change.  These powerful military branches know that there really isn’t a monster under the bed, but the little kid says there still is.  It’s the unknown that’s the scary monster and it’s that fear that could make even the strongest a little insecure. 

Fort Bragg, my advice to you is: keep on reaching out to Air Force families.  Remember that communication and education are the keys to change.  My hats off to you for trying so hard this last year!  The road hasn’t been without its speed bumps, but you keep on trying.  Thank you! 

Pope AAF, my advice to you is:  communicate, communicate, communicate.  Always ask questions and don’t be afraid to ask for change when told no.  The path ahead of us is going to be rocky, but if Air Force families at Fort Bragg remember to aim high while being army strong, then life will be truly exceptional for us.